How often do you ask the question ‘What did you do at school today?’ only to be met with the answer ‘Nothing’. Of course, the answer is quite the opposite, so overwhelmingly so that children often leave school cognitively fatigued. Their days at school drain their reserves of focus, attention, energy, even emotions which lead to the inevitable breakdowns in the car on the way home, often referred to as restrain collapse. This is no surprise. During the day, children must shift their attention between different people, activities, subjects, even locations in the building which all require something from them. Even as adults, when we have had a particularly draining or difficult day, we would much prefer to avoid an interview when we walk through the door. As the question ‘What did you do at school today?’ is so broad and requires children to draw on their already depleted reserves, the easy way out is to respond with ‘Nothing’. It is definitive, finite, and hopefully leads to no further questions.
Even if children do respond to the question, they may often simply list the lessons they had. This does not lead to a depth of conversation, nor connection, and will often require many follow-up questions, as if leading an interrogation. This can often also produce leading questions, where children feel they need to give the answer they perceive that you are looking for. Oftentimes, this produces a more pessimistic review of the day as we are all more inclined to remember and share the parts of our day that did not go right as opposed to the myriad achievements.
Ideally, adding more specificity to questions such as time of day or a type of feeling, which remains open-ended, will likely elicit more thought and give a greater insight into both your child’s day and their general feelings and viewpoints. It is of course important to hear about both the positive and negative elements of the day, but more creative questioning can support reasoning, understanding, and expression. For example, instead of asking ‘What was the worst part of your day?’ this could be reframed as “If you could change one thing about today, what would it be?”
Here are some questions that you could consider using to scaffold those tired, end of day conversations to allow you more quality insight into your child’s school day. Timing will always be important here. They may just need some quiet time on the way home and these may be better placed at the dinner table or when getting ready for bed after they have fully decompressed from the day and have had time to reflect themselves. Model answering these yourself too. Candid transparency about your day and your feelings models emotional literacy and important reflections.
These are just some examples to show how questions can be varied but remain open. Be creative – the more creative you are in your questioning, the more interested your child will be to engage in the conversation.
Steph Davis
Reception Teacher & Curriculum Director
Year 5 Teacher and Social Impact & Global Campus Leader, Carlie Ennis shares thoughts on empowering children in elementary school to have a voice, and the profound impact it has on their growth and development.
